I’m a fan of all-you-can-eat restaurants. Stuffing one’s gut with endless amounts of food is as American as fake boobs, bottled water and SUVs. When I was a kid, trips to Shakey’s Pizza for slice after slice of pepperoni, sausage and Canadian bacon were a special treat. As an adult, I find great joy visiting the finest buffets in Las Vegas. There’s something that feels so right about something as wrong as eating to the point of near illness—for one relatively low price.

Unfortunately, the all-you-can-eat concept is spinning out of control. The first sign came during spring training, when the Minnesota Twins began promoting an all-you-can-eat section at the Metrodome. For $33, baseball fans can enjoy as many hot dogs, nachos, peanuts, pretzels, sodas and bags of popcorn as they can stand. Although engaging in this gluttonous display may bring some joy to the act of watching Carlos Gomez strikeout three times in one game inside a stadium that feels more like a Home Depot than a ballpark, I object. If you’re a true sports fan, you should be drowning your sorrow in giant plastic cups of Budweiser—not eating a baker’s dozen of Dome Dogs.

Even dumber is the latest promotion at Baker’s Square—a Midwest chain of family diners with substandard food and even worse service. The only redeeming thing about these joints is the pie. And apparently the restaurant chain’s brain trusts realize this. Last month, several BS locations in the Twin Cities painted their front windows with giant ads promoting all-you-can-eat pie for $5.99. How much pie can one person eat? It’s pie. I can’t imagine any scenario where someone would be inclined to down more than two—maybe, just maybe, three—slices. 

Somebody please stop this trend before people are lined up at McDonald’s for all-you-can-eat McRibs.