When I was a Prince fanboy in the mid-’90s, I sometimes amused myself by crank calling 800-NEW-FUNK, the Paisley Park phone line for ordering CDs, t-shirts and a wide variety of products prominently adorned with the symbol he was then using as his name. Not content to keep this amusing hobby to myself, I recorded the calls on my answering machine to share with friends. As luck would have it, I came across that old answering machine in my basement this afternoon. The tape containing a few of my masterpieces, although somewhat distorted with time, still played. Ten years later, I’m still amused.

Gem number one came shortly after Prince appeared on The Essence Awards, performing a bastardized version of his 1987 song, “The Cross.” Because he was going through one of his many religious awakenings, he changed the song to “The Christ” and preached during the song’s introduction about how Jesus didn’t die on a cross. According to Prince, he actually died on a stauros—a wooden stake used for torture or death. This seemed to me like a good time for a phone call.

The second of my legendary New Funk calls came about when Prince packaged New Power Generation, Chaka Kahn and Larry Graham CDs together as the “New Power Pack.”

Finally, my favorite New Funk call was inspired by Larry Graham, legendary bass player from Sly and the Family Stone and Graham Central Station. For some reason, his stage attire at the time was a ridiculous white suit and sailor hat. He was on the Paisley Park payroll at the time, frequently performing with Prince. It seemed to me that New Funk should be carrying a custom Larry Graham clothing line.